Velvet Howler » Zach Cullen

Please Say Something

Zach Cullen — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:13:05 +0000

Please Say Something is a short animated feature from David O’Reilly. It’s about cats and mice, spousal abuse, the horror of writer’s block, and other stuff. It won the Golden Bear for best short film at the 2009 Berlinale.

Bing’s Commercial Blames Google for Financial Crisis

Zach Cullen — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 05:08:27 +0000

In review:

People watched too many stupid videos on youtube.
This allowed the forces of evil to destroy our economy.
When we tried to stop them using our google cannons, we got LOST IN LINKS and it got worse and everything turned into suck.
If you use Bing, you can completely ignore this reality and enter a new one, one where people sit in front of giant white boards and wear knee braces and children are kinda cute and Hey Look, a muscle car!

Also, there’s the obvious Hitler analogy.

★ Another tale of an unfortunate circumstance.

Zach Cullen — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 06:25:25 +0000

Hello! Another story has been posted at my blogy blog. I tried to write a story about a tedious experience. It was tedious to write, and tedious to read. So yeah, I got tedious down. Here’s a preview!

“Damn,” he said. He picked up a Phillips head screwdriver from a small TV tray to his left. He moved further up his arm, above the elbow. He nudged aside a flap of rubbery flesh and inserted the tool into a small hole. He twisted for a good twenty seconds, eventually producing a screw that was half an inch long. He moved around his arm, repeating the process three more times. He was about to place the fourth screw on the table, when it slid out of his fingers and fell to the floor, rolling under the chair. He decided to get it later.

And as a meta joke and a personal failing, I have forgotten how to properly format this post, so now Bryan will have the tedious experience of editing all the formatting errors. SO TEDIOUS!

Bryan’s note: It was the first thing I did before reading this tedious post.

★ Sometimes I like to write things.

Zach Cullen — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:44:54 +0000

Hello Howlers. I’ve started writing again, after a long absence. I’m working on stretching those creative muscles by writing these little short stories almost every day. Basically, I just write whatever comes to mind for about half an hour, and then type it up for the Internet. I’ve posted two so far at my blog, and I took the liberty of removing the stupid title and the whiny posts from two years ago. So check it out!

Here is a preview of today’s story about a man who boxes a bear.

“How the hell do I get into these situations?” Jack asked himself. He knew the answer was something about a gambling debt and about ten years too many as a semi-professional prize fighter. But he didn’t have time to answer his rhetorical query as the bear hit him hard across the face. They had wrapped the claws in some sort of foam padding, so that Jack wouldn’t be instantly mauled. Still, getting hit with a cinder block wrapped in a pillow still feels like getting hit with a cinder block.

Ouch! Well, I plan to keep churning out these gems on a semi-daily basis, so check back regularly. Maybe every two weeks or so I’ll pick the least terrible one and expand it into a longer and more horrible version!