archive › Zach Cullen
Please Say Something
Please Say Something is a short animated feature from David O’Reilly. It’s about cats and mice, spousal abuse, the horror of writer’s block, and other stuff. It won the Golden Bear for best short film at the 2009 Berlinale.
Bing’s Commercial Blames Google for Financial Crisis
In review:
- People watched too many stupid videos on youtube.
- This allowed the forces of evil to destroy our economy.
- When we tried to stop them using our google cannons, we got LOST IN LINKS and it got worse and everything turned into suck.
- If you use Bing, you can completely ignore this reality and enter a new one, one where people sit in front of giant white boards and wear knee braces and children are kinda cute and Hey Look, a muscle car!
Also, there’s the obvious Hitler analogy.
Another tale of an unfortunate circumstance.
Hello! Another story has been posted at my blogy blog. I tried to write a story about a tedious experience. It was tedious to write, and tedious to read. So yeah, I got tedious down. Here’s a preview!
Sometimes I like to write things.
Hello Howlers. I’ve started writing again, after a long absence. I’m working on stretching those creative muscles by writing these little short stories almost every day. Basically, I just write whatever comes to mind for about half an hour, and then type it up for the Internet. I’ve posted two so far at my blog, and I took the liberty of removing the stupid title and the whiny posts from two years ago. So check it out!
You Have To Burn The Rope
Remember when games were simple? Remember when they weren’t full of motion-sensing gobelty gook and shiney pidgeys and hours upon hours of exploratory value? Remember when games were fun? Mazapan.se does. Rediscover the joy of rigid linear gameplay. Travel the winding tunnels, jump through the air like a wet acrobat, face the Grinning Colosus. And then burn the rope.
Lasagna Cat
Like many wonderous things, I first stumbled across Lasagna Cat on youtube. Here is the first video I saw that made me fall in love.
Lasagna Cat is a hilarious parody/tribute to Garfield and Jim Davis. These bizare videos all basically follow the same formula:
- Comic Reinactment
- Musical Number
- Creepy photo of Jim Davis
Give these videos a look. You can find the original website with the videos in Quicktime here or the youtube profile here.
Sex! In Spaaaaaace!!
US and Russian astronauts have had sex in space for separate research programmes on how human beings might survive years in orbit, according to a book published yesterday…
“The issue of sex in space is a serious one,” he says. “The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity.”
The title of my post could have been something like “T-minus 10 seconds to Re-Entry” or “Initiate Docking Procedurals”, but they felt too cheesy. Also, if the Missionary Position is impossible, then the end of Moonraker is a lie.
Warning: This Video May Be Filthy
The following you-tube video contains cartoonish drawings of the male and female genitalia being transformed into innocent cartoonish drawings. If this doesn’t sound like something you’d like to see, then don’t click play.
Colbert Tosses Hat Into Ring
Makes me wish I still regularly watched the Daily Show and the Colbert Report so I could have seen this live. With his new book out and after a week of some pretty heavy handed hints, Stephen Colbert has officially announced his candidacy for President of these United States. Colbert made the announcement tonight during a special appearance on Daily Show and then twenty minutes later on his own show.
Well, maybe it’ll be funnier than Man of the Year.
Fright Night 2007
A little bit more than a month early for Halloween, but I’ve come across two things that are horrifying in different ways, and now YOU will decide which is worse.
Scary-Item #1
Global Destruction Goes Green

Been longing for that Cold War of ours to heat up? Not content to just play World in Conflict? Then boy, do I and scotsman.com have good news for you!
RUSSIA has tested the world’s most powerful “vacuum bomb”, which unleashes a destructive shockwave with the power of a nuclear blast, the military said, dubbing it the “father of all bombs”.
Viacom Steals YouTube Content, Then Claims It As Own
Christopher Knight:
“Chutzpah” is a Yiddish word meaning “unbelievable gall or audacity”. An example of it would be the story of the kid who murders both of his parents, then throws himself on the mercy of the court on the grounds that he’s an orphan.
That’s chutzpah. So is this: multimedia giant Viacom is claiming that I have violated their copyright by posting on YouTube a segment from it’s VH1 show Web Junk 2.0… which VH1 produced – without permission – from a video that I had originally created.
Viacom used my video without permission on their commercial television show, and now says that I am infringing on THEIR copyright for showing the clip of the work that Viacom made in violation of my own copyright!
The clip in question was pulled by YouTube earlier this morning, at Viacom’s insistence.
Chocolate Rain - A Celebration of Tay Zonday
Maybe you’ve heard of this, maybe you haven’t. You should have, because it can only make your life better:
Really how can you not love that? Carson Daly loves it, and YouTube even had a ZonDay celebration, with every video on the front page being some version of Chocolate Rain.
TayRoll!
Enjoy the works of Tay Zonday.
News from the Future
You might have noticed this yourself if you visit the Howler using the Safari browser or if you have a RSS feed for CNET. In case you were some of the lucky people who are now unaware, the XBOX 360 is getting a next-gen ‘Pac-Man.’ Kinda cool right? Now, imagine if I told you this every single time you saw me, and you were one of those people I see everyday. Imagine if that was the first thing you heard me say whenever I entered the same room, or hell, even within earshot of you. Annoying, yes?
Japanese Gundam Bubbles
Here, watch this YouTube video, but first, do two things:
- Skip past the first 6 minutes unless you want to see a bunch of middle aged men play soccer with robots.
- Mute the damn thing. I can’t stand the reporter. Don’t worry about the content, I’ll tell you everything you need to know.
So anyway, the game those Japanese kids are playing is called Gundam: Bonds of War. You get 3-4 friends and you take over all these machines in an arcade. Congrats, now you guys are a unit. Using the power of the internet, competing groups of friends can do battle with each other in what looks to me to be a really bitching giant robot piloting experience. I want an American release so bad, but we don’t have arcades anymore. Truly, we are missing out.
Also, if you can read Japanese, this web site looks semi-official.